Age is nothing more than a number in your passport. But at the same time, when you are looking for a partner, chances are you want to meet someone of your own age range. In most cases people choose to date those, who are just a couple years away from their own age. And there is a conception as well, that it is better for a woman to have a boyfriend older than she is, than the other way around.
But if you actually think about it, older women tend to date younger men quite often. There are many examples of famous couples, where women are much older than their boyfriends. And there is definitely a couple or two like this even among your acquaintances. Even scientific polls claim that many women in the age of 40 and older tend to experiment in their love life and often get into relationships with much younger men.
But what is so appealing in these kinds of relationships? Why dating a younger man becomes so fascinating for mature women? There are many reasons, which make such interactions especially pleasant. We will try to break up the most common factors, which attract women into relationships with a younger man, which might be helpful in terms of understanding the whole tendency.
Older women – younger men relationships from scientific perspective
It is actually a scientifically proven fact, that such love affairs have great chances to last for a very long time. In 2006 the University of Maine conducted a study, which involved married couples with a woman being 10 to 20 years older than a man. The studies actually showed, that these couples were perfectly happy together and managed to maintain successful relationships for years.
There are also other studies from McGill University in Canada, which conducted a poll among women between ages 35 and 45. The results showed, that about 13% of these women were engaged in some kind of relationships with much younger men, be it consistent dating or just casual affairs.
Studies also shown, that mature and middle-aged women, who previously were divorced, are more predisposed to looking for younger men in the future. At the same time, such affairs regularly are not so short – on average, older women and younger men date for at least two years. And basically these women in general feel much more free and emancipated, since they manage to overcome the social stigma and enjoy being with people they genuinely love.
Benefits of dating a younger guy
Let’s discover the advantages of such relationships.
No expectations
When middle-aged women are looking for a new love affair, they definitely had enough experience in dating before. And, obviously, if a woman is back to the dating scene, her previous relationships didn’t last. While younger women tend to romanticize love and are sure, there is one Prince Charming for them to love forever, mature ladies already know, that nothing is everlasting.
This might sound a bit depressing, but actually such beliefs just allow to avoid unnecessary expectations. You learn to enjoy what you have now. It is not a future family you might build or a wedding that attracts you in the person, it is now the guy himself and the pleasure of being together.
Younger men also see the benefit of dating an older woman, because there is no pushing or hurrying. While a younger girl might want to get married sooner, a mature lady doesn’t put this burden on the shoulders of her boyfriend. She is enjoying the free life she leads and therefore doesn’t demand any continuation. And if a guy will eventually have the desire to propose, the decision to accept a proposal will be well-considered and communicated over.
No baggage
Even though a woman herself does have the unsuccessful relationship experience, if she is dating a younger guy, there is not so much emotional baggage on his side. He might have had some hard times in his previous relationships too, but, being young, just hasn’t collected too much of bad experience.
The older a man gets, the more he judges women based off his previous relationships. And if none of them were successful, these expectations might include some misconceptions. For example, some men start to think about women as if they are always materialistic and demanding or just very high-maintenance. At the same time, having less baggage means there are less expectations and less prejudices.
There are drawbacks of the lack of experience as well, for sure. That might mean inability to solve conflicts or, again, romanticizing the role of a woman in relationships. But at the same time, if such a guy is dating a mature woman, he will learn something from her behaviour and approach to troubles. Even though he might come into relationships completely inexperienced, after a while they will leave a mark on him. Even if this particular affair won’t last, it will help be more realistic and compromising in the future.
Independence
This is a very important thing, which might not be achieved in other types of relationships. But here both sides agree on it:
- Older women are busy enough to demand independence. It is not only because they work, but also because they value their time and know how important it is to be on their own for a while;
- Younger men are often afraid of being consumed by relationships. It is especially because so many girls of their age get controlling and want to spend as much time together as possible, which basically ruins all the other spheres of life.
When a woman is a bit older, she understands that one date a week is actually perfectly enough. There is nothing wrong in being too tired to see each other every day, or just doing your hobbies and meeting friends. It is very important to have some time on your own in order to still be an interesting interlocutor and a valuable partner.
Being a mature and independent woman also enables you to set your own rules in the relationships. Quantity and quality of dates, the way you spend time together and many other things are much easier to decide upon, because you know what you want and how to communicate it to your partner.
The fun part
Another reason for a mature woman to choose dating a younger man is the simple reason, that they are much more fun to spend time with. When you go on dates with people your age, say, men about 40-50, you can easily see how much they are weighed down by their problems. Many people of that age are stuck in the routine so much, they can’t leave it even in extraordinary situations, like dating new people.
While it is perfectly understandable, such state of mind is not something a woman looks for in a partner, especially in the beginning of the relationships. And since many middle-aged women are looking for some fun times while dating, it is natural that they choose the guys who can actually provide this kind of fun.
Younger men are generally much more adventurous and allow women to look at their life from the whole new perspective. Especially if the age difference is quite big and the woman used to be married (which means no dating and not so much going out), she might be unfamiliar with some activities, which are now pretty common among the youth. And there is nothing shameful in joining the circle of a younger generation for a while, just to relax, have fun and bring some new experiences into your life.
Dealing with disapproval
You can see, how much younger girls want everyone to like them and how much effort they put into it. This is definitely not the case for older women. They usually have their life together and have gone through enough stuff to leave all judgement and disapproval behind. They are simply not bothered by the opinions of the others anymore.
This influences the relationships directly. When you are afraid of what others might think about you, you don’t live the life like you want it. You do everything to serve the commonly accepted ideals, and this is not something, what makes you and your partner happy.
On the other hand, a mature woman who has got rid of all possible prejudices is now ready to build actual relationships. She won’t think of the others, she will think of something good for her and her partner in particular. She won’t demand anything, she will suggest to communicate and negotiate. These principles lead to happier and more enjoyable relationships regardless of the couple’s age.
The learning part
It is just natural that your partner teaches you something, not necessarily intentionally, but sometimes you learn just from being together. And dating a younger man can actually teach you a lot. You might try to watch the changes in the society and life in general, but until you experience them, you won’t understand everything fully.
Even though you might think you are familiar with the modern culture, with a younger man you might find out there is actually a lot for you to learn. You might discover new hobbies and interests and actually share them with your partner, since you both will be interested in them. You will learn more about modern culture and start enjoying new art forms, especially if your significant other is interested in various kinds of art.
And what is even more helpful in learning is that you both have different viewpoints on the same things. If you use your views and knowledge the right way, you will always have enough to communicate about and will never get bored by the presence of each other.
Learning also makes you a more interesting person in general. Being an adult, you might be tempted to plunge into your issues and forget about the rest of the world, but it is actually extremely important to keep discovering new things regardless of your age.
The teaching part
At the same time, having the experience of a mature woman, you definitely teach your younger partner about something as well. This might not be cultural or materialistic (even though learning about the stuff you enjoyed 10 years ago is fascinating as well). But the least you can do is teach your partner about leading healthy relationships.
There are also chances, that you also have the experience in the sphere your significant other is interested in, but have never tried. If so, you can actually teach him about it and build even more connection.
There is a definite advantage of teaching each other about things: you will never get bored. There will always be something you can discuss or do together, and many couples actually suffer from the lack of common interests, which will never be your case.
As a mature person, you can also teach your partner some important life lessons. When you are young, you might idealize the time you will be older and not know some pitfalls, which are obvious to people that age. Sharing your experience will help your partner understand you better. But at the same time it will relieve the fears he might have about getting older. You, as an example of a happy mature person, may reassure him and make more confident about the future.
What are relationships with an older woman like for a man
Now, let’s have a look at everything from the other side:
- Though such affairs are altogether pleasant and successful, younger men sometimes have to adjust to the way older women behave. There is a tendency to become more dominant with age, and men actually like to have this responsibility themselves;
- Getting used to the previous life of your partner is hard, especially since older women may have ex-husbands and even children. You will have to be nice to everyone in her life, and that might be a complicated part;
- Living up to the demands of a mature woman is tough as well. If she doesn’t like something, she will not tolerate it, having enough experience to value herself first. So you should be ready to build the relationships like an adult as well to make them last;
- No games, no ghosting, no cheating. You shouldn’t play with a mature woman, you should treat her like equal and show respect. She is not one of the young girls who fall for appearance solely. She is not as forgiving and forgetting. Especially if you came to terms, that your relationships are more than just a casual affair, be sure to do everything the right way.