Equal partnership is what many women are looking for in relationships nowadays. Even though it might seem basic and simple, if you are a feminist. Finding the right partner is much more complicated. Even if you don’t proclaim being a feminist out loud, your views and beliefs may be extremely different from the ones local men have. Sometimes it even feels like men are too afraid of the “F” word, presuming that all feminists are actually not feminine at all and are more likely to be aggressively pushing their ideals on the interlocutors. While this is definitely nothing more than just a prejudice, it is still extremely hard to date as a feminist.
We were thinking about making the feminist dating life more enjoyable, so we came up with some advice you might find helpful. We’ll also try to break up the biases men have about feminists.
Dating guide for feminists
If you are a self-proclaimed feminist and looking for the love of your life, you might be interested to know how to ease dating for you.
Be open
This actually concerns every person and every type of relationship there might be. But when it comes to feminism, just don’t try to hide the fact you believe in gender equality and are eager to fight for women’s’ rights.This will become your dating filter, since you will be able to discover people with different life position right away.
It’s not that you have to put it in your dating profile or introduce yourself as a feminist, but it is worth mentioning your viewpoint in the conversation or on the first date. If you find out your date is actually not excited by you being a feminist, well, this is just not the right person for you.
You might also think that, wearing such truth on the sleeve, you limit yourself in terms of dating options. But you should remember, that if you are used to behaving a certain way, you won’t be able to hide that for long. If you try to present yourself the way you are not, it will come out very soon, because you’ll find yourself tired of pretending.
Don’t be a lecturer
While you definitely can explain something to other people if you feel like it, don’t try to become an educator for your potential partner. You can easily understand if a person just hasn’t heard enough about feminism and is ready to change his mind or if patriarchal ideas have become a core of his mind. In the first case you definitely can share the way you see the situation and help find resources to educate. But keep in mind that there are people who will just get into argument with you without any wish to reevaluate their own ideals, and you won’t change them whatever you do.
Anyways, don’t feel obliged to educate someone on feminism. Do it only if you feel like it and understand that you have enough resources to do so. Chances are you won’t get anything in return and relationships won’t work out in the end, so think yourself if you want to spend your date trying to persuade your interlocutor about something which is obvious for you.
Keep looking
It probably won’t be easy to find a partner as a feminist. Keep that in mind and just don’t give up on looking further – your love is definitely out there, you just haven’t met yet. Even the women, who are not feminists, struggle with finding a partner, and since you probably have more criteria, there are less men who will instantly fit them.
To make the process easier, you can join a feminist dating site. If you are searching among the like-minded people, you have more chances to find a match. But don’t give up on regular resources – even a match on tinder can lead you to successful relationships. But other than that, you can visit theme events in your local area or join some feminist groups – live communication is often more efficient in finding a partner than scrolling a feminist dating app.
Guide to dating feminists
Now some advice for men who are not sure about how to approach a feminist lady in the right way.
Forget all your prejudices
What you know about feminists is probably very wrong. They can be very different – some look very sexy and appealing, others prefer to break all possible fashion rules. Apart from appearance, some feminists are actually eager to become housewives and mothers, while the others are more career-oriented. So try not to judge a woman right after she said she is a feminist and take your time to learn more about her – you probably will find some unexpected sides.
Discuss the boundaries
If you are afraid, that you will do something, which seems normal to you but might be offensive for a feminist, just talk to your girlfriend. Each feminist is different, but so is every person, so it is worth discussing the boundaries at the start of the relationship. This way you won’t have to worry about each little step you make and will be able to simply enjoy having time together regardless of the views you have on some things.
Listen to her
Even if you don’t understand feminism right away, there might be a chance that nobody just explained it to you correctly. If your girlfriend is a feminist and you are a good listener, you might actually learn a lot of new information and maybe even completely change your mind about gender equality. Be open minded and attentive.
Don’t assume feminists hate men
It is probably the biggest and the worst misconception of all. Feminists claim that they have patriarchy, but men are the same piece of the system just like women. Patriarchy is harmful to all people regardless of gender, and feminists fight to create a better world for all.
Don’t insist on doing the traditional stuff
If your girl wants to pay for herself on dates, just let her do this. If she asks not to hold a door for her or not to help her get into a coat, just accept it. It might be personally inconvenient and it is not about you making the wrong thing. The same regards to everything traditional – even though it might be commonly widespread and socially approved, doesn’t mean it has to be for everyone. Remember, that no relationships are the same, and it is much better to build something which suits you and your partner rather than following the commonly accepted lines.
