Starting a conversation with your partner about open relationship is always difficult. It doesn’t matter how long you are together – five minutes or five years. For many people, this is something new and unknown and not everyone is ready for it. Each relationship is different from each other, as are the rules that do not allow your life to turn into chaos.
It may seem to beginners that an open relationship will not work, that there will be a mess in life and nothing will work. In fact, it all depends on you. Open relationships can be no less durable than monogamous ones. To make them like that, you need to discuss a few rules in advance. Nothing will work without them.
A few rules and recommendations for a harmonious open relationship
Talk about it
First of all, you need to find out what you both put into this definition. It is likely that your opinions differ. In this case, you have to compromise. As a rule, it means that you can look for other partners. For this, there are special applications for open dating relationships.
Protect yourself and your partner morally and physically
Use condoms to prevent unwanted pregnancies, not to get infected with STDs and not to infect your partner. On the moral side, you should discuss your emotional safety. Mental health is just as important as physical.
Do not hide jealousy
The feeling of jealousy is no stranger to anyone. Even to supporters of the freest relationships. Proponents of polyamory also begin to be jealous sooner or later, because we are all human. In such a situation, the main thing is not to be silent. Tell your partner about your feelings, do not hide them. Calmly and openly tell your loved one what is bothering you and what you are afraid of. As soon as you talk about your jealousy, it will cease to be something bad and will become just a feeling. Your partner will understand what kind of feelings do you have and what is bothering you and you can correct the situation together.
Set boundaries
It is not only about moral boundaries, but also physical ones. Without hesitation and modesty, discuss with your soulmate what you can do with another partner. Discuss moments like kisses, fetishes, or unrealized fantasies. It is better to do this in advance in order to prevent resentment and misunderstanding after everything happens. You must feel yourself safe. Discuss contraceptive use and STD testing. Such conversations are necessary for both of you. Avoid misunderstandings, they can ruin your relationship.
Discuss what social and emotional behavior both of you are comfortable with. For example, your partner can calmly relate to your correspondence with other people, but he may not like it if you go on a real date. Discuss how you will both feel if either of you has physical intimacy with another person. Such moments seem awkward, but it is important to discuss them. Such conversations will help to keep your relationship stable and calm.
Discuss your partner search area
As a rule, the search for open relationships does not mean that you are open to all people in general. Discuss with whom you can play fair play before looking for a new partner. For example, you want to find a complete stranger outside your circle of friends. Such dating minimizes the likelihood of an awkward meeting with the three of you somewhere on the corporate party. However, some people prefer to seek a third partner among their friends. Arguing this by the fact that they have known them for a long time and trust them. While you can expect anything from strangers. Others prefer to search for a third person among their gender. We are all different, everyone has their own opinion, desires and dreams. Discuss all these issues and come to a common denominator.
Find out how much time you can spend with another partner
Discuss important little things after talking global questions. For example, how long can you be with another person. Such questions cannot be overlooked, it is important to discuss them. Decide how much time per week you can spend with other partners. Discuss how many hours per week you can be absent and what you will do if two dates come in one evening.
One of the most important points is whether you will devote yourself every day to searching or communicating with another partner.
Decide how you talk about relationships with each other and other people
Perhaps your partner does not want to hear anything about your other relationships or he does not want to know some aspects. This is also better to clarify in advance. Otherwise, you can hurt your beloved with stories about your adventures.
Find out whether you will discuss these relationships at all or not. If you do, then what moments are you willing to find out, and which are not? Maybe the stories of your soulmate about his adventures will anger you or, on the contrary, excite you.
Another difficult moment: how to discuss this with other people. If at all you want to discuss this with someone else. An open relationship not everyone can understand. Some acquaintances or relatives may support you, others may not understand and condemn, and still others will refuse to listen to anything. Your partner may not want anyone else to know about your situation.
Discuss how often you will report to each other
For many open relationships «you just need to play with all this and see what suits you», Sassman says. While the guidelines were extremely important, they also needed to leave sufficient space for the feelings of one or both partners to change. It is better to do regular checks on open relationships.
Do not hurry
For someone, such an experience can be frightening, and if you hurry, you will ruin everything. Move slowly and gradually, step by step. Do not push your partners to any decisions or conversations if they are not ready for this. Let everything go as it should. Take your time and you will be rewarded for your patience.
Be honest with each other
One golden rule that you should follow more than anything in the world? Like all the questions that arise in your relationship, be honest. If one of your open relationship rules is no longer working, review it to make changes.
No matter how many points you have already discussed, if you are fooling each other. Do not lie and hide something from your partners, things like that will not lead to anything good. Your partner will no longer trust you and your relationship will fall apart. The most important thing in an open relationship is trust and honesty. Otherwise, it’s just cheating.